Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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