You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
