Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
