her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
