I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
