You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
