Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
