After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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