Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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