My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
