If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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