P.S. I can't hear my feet
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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