Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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