So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
