3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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