Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
