I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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