Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
