once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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