What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
