Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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