first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
