We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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