I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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