Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
