The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
