you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
