I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
