Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
