I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think your dad took our porno
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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