i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
