i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
