well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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