My balls are so social today.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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