I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
