Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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