Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
