guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
