you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
