I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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