and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
