Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
