for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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