I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
