When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
