My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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