well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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