thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
