Are we in a gay sports bar?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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