just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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