I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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