my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
